Review: Zoolander 2 Proves Ben Stiller Forgot What 'Satire' Is
- Mar 3, 2018
- 2 min read
Zoolander 2 is a shallow, unfunny, stupid, bloated, awful mess of a garbage film full of unfinished and cliche storylines and boring, thoughtless, humourless, unwanted celebrity cameos. Let's just get this over with.
Zoolander (Ben Stiller) comes back from hiding after accidentally killing his wife and losing his son to child services. Hansel (Owen Wilson) comes back from the desert or some shit where he was hiding after getting a tiny cut on his face. They are recruited for a fashion show, where they're showcased as "old" and "lame". Then Valentina the INTERPOL agent (Penelope Cruz) recruits them and tells them that pop stars (such as Justin Bieber and, no-one else) have been getting murdered, and then Mugatu (Will Ferrell) escapes from prison and there's this stupid cult at this party and I give up.
The first Zoolander was a bit stupid, but a pretty funny satire of male models, fashion, and the culture surrounding it. I actually enjoyed it, with a lot of jokes landing with me and some celebrity cameos that made me smile. I went into Zoolander 2 expecting more of the same but with the celebrity murder mystery advertised in the trailers. Instead, what I got was a truly awful "high-stakes globe-trotting" plot that amounted to absolutely nothing, full of pointless and unfunny celebrity cameos. I have no hesitation in calling this one of the most poorly-written movies of all time.
I already mentioned the satirical nature of the first movie, which featured some extremely strange stuff, like the Walk Off (MC'd by David Bowie, of course), the powerful Magnum look which stopped a shuriken, and the political assassination plot. All of this was fairly light-hearted but sharp satire, and it was pretty funny for something starring Stiller, Wilson, and Ferrell. But Zoolander 2 has forgotten how to be creative, sharp, and funny. Instead, we get "wacky" characters such as Fred Armisen as a CGI head on a child for no apparent reason, a murder mystery that literally never gets resolved, and the same low-brow breast jokes that many Sandler and Rogen films have already well and truly covered.
Zoolander 2 sucks. Don't watch it. It sucks. Just don't. It's the worst. Don't.
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