Review: Show Dogs Is Nothing Short Of Atrocious
- Aug 20, 2018
- 2 min read
Live action talking animals have never been good, and Show Dogs doesn’t even try to change that. Probably gives them a worse reputation than before, and that’s impressive.
NYPD police dog Max (Ludacris) is working to capture smugglers attempting to sell a stolen panda. Meanwhile FBI Agent Frank (Will Arnett) has infiltrated the group and is moments away from securing the panda. When the two meet at a trade they wind up unintentionally letting the crooks get away. In an effort to reclaim the panda, Max and Frank are forced to work together. The deal is set to go down at a dog show, one that Max must enter to allow the law to get closer to the criminals. There’s just one small problem, Max is anything but a show dog.
In the immortal words of Jeff Goldblum, “that’s one big pile of shit”.
There are bad movies. There are abysmal movies. There is Show Dogs, a film so devoid of quality that it begins to fold in on itself, forming a deep dark pit of pain and suffering from which there is no escape. It doesn’t help that the effects are terrible, the writing lands every dog pun in the first fifteen minutes then repeats them throughout like they’re the latest, greatest thing and every low hanging fruit is plucked. I felt the eldritch tentacles of whatever unknowable horror willed this movie into existence worming their way into my brain, driving out any semblance of reason, only to find myself continuing to watch.
Like a car crash it’s almost impossible to tear one’s eyes away from the disaster that is Show Dogs. Arnett maintains an almost constant uncomfortable look, like someone forced to be on film. In fact, it looks as if he hasn’t slept in days, like the film is tormenting him. And it should, because it’s awful. There are no upsides. No funny jokes, not even the ability to laugh at how bad it is, because it hurts to watch.
Don’t make my mistake. Maintain whatever sanity you have left to you and avoid Show Dogs like the blatant abomination it is.
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