Review: The Dark Tower, More Like The Dull Tower
- Aug 17, 2017
- 2 min read
After hearing that The Dark Tower wasn't as good as the book it was based on, I stopped reading it. I thought to myself that going in blind would improve my experience. Safe to say it didn't.
Jake Chambers (Tom Taylor) dreams of another world, one where an order known as The Gunslingers battle against the evil forces of the Man in Black (Matthew McConaughey). When he finds himself within this world he comes across Roland (Idris Elba), the last of The Gunslingers. Together they must stop the Man in Black and his evil skybeam by travelling to New York for...reasons.
The Dark Tower is maybe the most boring movie of 2017. And there's no reason for this. A movie about a techno-fantasy-western world in which an ancient group of super cowboys fight against the forces of evil? How do you screw that up? Well, just whats this movie to find out how. Or don't, I'm just going to tell you anyway. Toss in an awful child character, about 5 minutes of action, literally less than 10% of the film, a confused plot, an absurd amount of unexplained jargon and just generally being a big old turd of a movie.
There's a few positives. It looks pretty nice, McConaughey is a fun villain and the one action scene is a lot of fun. But Elba is boring, Taylor is annoying, the story, well, isn't, and it's basically a whole lot of nothing. There isn't anything particularly special about The Gunslingers, other than being really good at reloading archaic firearms, and much of the films content goes unexplained.
If you haven't gotten the message thus far, The Dark Tower is pants. It's bad, it's boring, it's a whole lot of meaningless ass. Don't watch it, it sucks, save your money, please.
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