Review: Baywatch Is Funny, Sexy, Bad-Ass, and Frustrating
- Jun 2, 2017
- 2 min read
The film remake of the 1989-99 TV show starring David Hasselhoff is here, and it's... actually better than I expected. Dwayne Johnson, Zac Efron, the director of Pixels and Horrible Bosses, and a slew of other stars demonstrate that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
Matt Brody (Zac Efron) is a two-time Olympic gold medalist who attempts to join Baywatch, an elite team of attractive lifeguards run by Mitch Buchannon (Dwayne Johnson), but he's overconfident and reckless. But when drugs begin washing up on the beach, and a businesswoman seems to be linked to a mysterious boat fire, the team must work together to investigate and save the bay.
Or should I say, when Zac Efron plays the same character he always plays, and Dwayne Johnson plays the same character he always plays, they don't like each other very much. But an entirely unnecessary villain straight out of a cartoon begins plotting to, um, take over the bay? Or maybe just sell a bunch of drugs? I don't know but real estate is involved, somehow, and she's got henchmen so she's definitely the bad guy. A bunch of movie cliches roll into one big, dumb story and the good guys probably win at the end.
Don't get me wrong, it's a fantastic movie. The first 40 minutes or so are way funnier, sexier, and more badass than a dumb comedy movie has any right to be. Dwayne Johnson is a perfect fit for this movie, and he and Zac Efron play off each other extremely well. And the supporting cast shine, especially the relatively unknown Jon Bass as 'Ronnie', the movie's unexpectedly brilliant comic relief. (The notable exception is Ilfenesh Hadera, who is just kinda there.)
But the comedy, sex appeal, and coolness almost completely come to a grinding halt after this, though, for this decade's umpteenth "Zac Efron Movie Party Scene Where He Gets Wasted And Usually Takes Off His Shirt" (patent-pending). When the audience has finally had enough of hearing about how much the main two characters don't like each other, the laughs come slowly crawling back as the story really kicks into gear.
The main story feels like a hindrance, and in case I didn't make it clear already: no-one cares that Zac Efron's character is a terrible person. We've seen this story before, but Baywatch brings it front and centre, like in a kid's movie. When there are far more interesting side plots and potential plots, having so much focus on this relationship and on this terribly uninteresting villain feels frustrating.
Baywatch is a total tease. A wonderful 40 minutes of cinema at the start, some genuinely great comedy scattered throughout (if you don't mind multiple dick jokes), and one of the greatest kisses in all of cinema are all promises of 116 minutes of fun. But a lame villain, her mediocre evil plan, and constant reminders that lifeguards aren't the police really taint an otherwise brilliant movie.
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